REVISIONS

Before we can approve your application, we need to request a few changes!

↠ Your character's background understates the stigma of being elf-blooded. If people were aware of his parentage, it is highly unlikely he would be permitted to participate in court or inherit in Orlais; if they were not aware, revealing his parentage would have ruined him more easily than assassinating him or his mother. You could probably preserve this storyline by making Alayre two humans' bastard rather than elf-blooded.

↠ Becoming a Templar as an adult is not impossible, but it is rare--most Templars begin training as children. Please take this into account in your revisions and play that he would have had to work very hard to catch up with them.

↠ Being a Knight-Commander would put him in a position of power over a group of other Templars and a Circle of Magi. Where was he a Knight-Commander? Where are his men now? Is he bringing them?

↠ What role has Alayre played in the war between mages and Templars and the preceding conflicts? How did the Circle under his command fare? What is his relationship with the Chantry now?

↠ Unfortunately Zargabaath is a name that really doesn't fit this setting. Please rename the character to match his AU'd origin.

↠ When you revise, please make sure to provide a link to your character's canon history.

Please respond within 48 hours to let us know your application has been updated. (You may request an extension if necessary.) If you have any questions, let us know.